I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
