new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
