if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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