My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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