Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
