I faked an abortion last night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
