is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it's like heaven, but drunker
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
