I don't usually arrange sex via text message
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
