stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
