I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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