you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize