He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
