once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
