I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
