is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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