If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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