Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
