how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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