I just threw up on my dentist
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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