How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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