Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
