So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
