you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
