I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
