He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize