just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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