that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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