just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
