i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
