I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
