Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
