just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
