guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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