I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
