I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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