i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
