So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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