I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
