It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
