like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
