If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
