K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
