Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
