Sry I called you an 8
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
