I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Drunk is not a location!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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