it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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