i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
