margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
