So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
