i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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