Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
