I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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