i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
