the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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