Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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