I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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