bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
