Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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