so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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