I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
