So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
