my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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