Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
