THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
