why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
