Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
