I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
