My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
