Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
