For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize