What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
