The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
