My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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