you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
