you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
